"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher
(& also Kelly Clarkson)
👀Why is this happening to me? Ever asked yourself that? Are you asking yourself that right now? I do. Every. Single. Day. Let me explain.
👀 As you may already know, I retired last year from a lucrative (haha) teaching career with 8th graders in math. I know. Vowing to NEVER GO BACK and literally kissing the ground I walked on that wasn't my 8th grade classroom every day, I thanked my Lord that I was free.
I was singing Alice Cooper's "School's Out" every day.
But oh dear ones, never say never. A friend texted me and asked if I wanted to teach 8th grade math for a semester to kids that had no teacher but were learning online. I strongly and confidently said "Nope" and shortly thereafter felt an urging (I would say that's how God directs me) and reconsidered.
Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor that I will someday laugh at, but believing strongly He was leading me to this position, I said yes, seeing dollar signs that I would be able to pay off my car and really be retired when this was done.
👀 This past month I have lived through what I would describe as the absolute worst days of my teaching life. Not to be dramatic. It's completely true. The students at this school are largely disrespectful, rude, have zero desire to learn, no self discipline, don't know how to use their time wisely, show no empathy for each other or adults, and they use the foulest language I've ever heard. I want to take them all on a field trip to 'Scared Straight' (remember that?).
I am in shock.
But remember in a past blog I shared that I believe the Lord puts us through situations so our faith in Him is strengthened and we are molded to be more like Him. So here I am looking for why on earth I did this and how on earth I'm going to do this and what on earth am I supposed to learn from it?
👀 The answer isn't from earth. God is the only One who can answer these questions for me. And I am trusting Him for it, in His time.
Please forgive me for comparing this trial I am having with something you might be going through that is as serious as an illness, death or divorce. I fully realize it's only my job. If I wanted to I could just quit tomorrow, but hear why I think the Lord has me not doing that.
👀 My judgy preconceived notion was that these kids were just the sad product of the class of kids that went online the last part of their 5th grade year, all of their 6th grade year, sort of were "normed" their 7th grade year but not really, and now they are in 8th grade not really having the full growth and maturity spectrum that goes with the wonder years of middle school. While that is definitely true, there is more to some of their stories that keep me looking to the Father .
Kids acting out - but behind the scenes: one lost his father in a car accident last week. Another lost his mom to drugs 3 years ago and an older brother to an overdose just in May. A female student lost her sister to suicide one year ago, and tried so hard to numb herself with drugs that she was hospitalized.
Another sweet boy's father is on his deathbed after suffering from a long illness, leaving him to care for his younger siblings so he can't get any homework done and he's actually worried about it. So many of them have one parent households. So many have mental health issues that include anxiety and depression.
These formative years that they spent in isolation are pretty critical for social development. Add to it a lot of adults that have let their children down.
My point in writing this is not to depress you. I guess it is to remind us (mostly me) that people, including young teens, are dealing with a lot of stuff, and we just don't know. While I am definitely not the warm fuzzy relationship teacher, I fully believe my firm classroom management personality is probably the kind that will survive this, though I leave the building each day like I came out of a blender. My battle cry is that I refuse to let an 8th grader get the best of me.
I know that the Lord is refining my character as well. It does weigh heavy on my patience and at the same time my heart.
I need to remember there are young human beings that Jesus came to die for behind these rebellious, lost, tweens. Not sure but I might be one of the few predictable, steadfast things in their lives right now. I might be one of the few fighting the fight of "I don't care if you are allowed to talk like that in other places, it offends me so please don't speak that way in my class or you will have to pick up trash". I will continue fighting this fight because I believe discipline is worthy and good. For me. For you. For these kiddos. In His perfect time He will reveal the 'why". Or maybe I won't know til heaven.
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7
"Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray." Proverbs 10:17
"Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." Proverbs 13:24
✙ Dear Father in heaven, please reveal Yourself on earth to us, to our children, to their parents. You are our Redeemer, the One who creates something out of nothing. In a piece of our community that seems like dry bones, we ask You bring them to life - life in You. Help us to be Your hands and feet to our neighbors, our children's friends, our extended family. Increase our capacity to minister. We aren't able but You are. Activate Your Spirit in us. Thank You gracious Father. Amen.
Your students are so lucky to have you as their math teacher.
ReplyDeleteSuch sad family stories Terri, but there’s no doubt that you are making a difference in their lives. I’ll pray for this classroom and for you that you will continue to have the tools to teach them math and lifelong values.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so sad, but hopeful too. You will be the light of Jesus to these hurting and lost kids. Continue to teach with firm expectations and the love of God—it will truly make a difference. Praying for all of you. I’m also going to add this to the cafe prayer list. 🙏🏽❤️
ReplyDeletePlease know that you are bringing light and love to these struggling students. Such unfortunate circumstances in our own community, but with your dedication to teach not only math but Christian values, these young people will see the value of their education. Thank you for giving them a future 🙏🏽
ReplyDeleteLast week at work I felt like I was dealing with eighth graders, the drama and pettiness and telling on their co-workers. I take it back!! You are so brave to go out there and serve the way you do. Yes, there is a pay check, but it obviously takes a special kind of individual to put themselves out there, in the trenches, and teach and love on these kids. Thank you! God is in there with you, every minute.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post! Terry, so thankful for you and your words! What a reminder that God is not done with us until we take our last breath! Always someone to help or somewhere our gifts can be utilized.
ReplyDeleteWOW-- for you to say it was the worst ever really means something. I know some of the kids/classes you've had! But yes, behind every troubled kid is a troubled story. Right now I am reading Malcolm Gladwell's book, "David and Goliath" and he points out how adversity can make or break us (not sure if that's for you or for your kids!). By following the prompting of the Holy Spirit, you are where you are supposed to be. Retirement will come soon enough! :)
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